I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
