it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
