??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
