Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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