So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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