His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
