Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
