i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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