Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
