She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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