I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
