Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
