I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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