Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
