Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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