I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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