I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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