i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
