Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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