So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
