I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
