'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
