sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize