All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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