No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
my phone needs a breathalizer
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize