She's JV to your varsity
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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