We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
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