I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
