if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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