I'm really into asian looking animals
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
