my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
