I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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