this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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