Pregnant stripper...not hot.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
