Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
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Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize