He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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