I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
