I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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