i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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