Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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