I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
