i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
