sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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