Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
