I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
