he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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