Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
