he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
