remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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