she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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