Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize