She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
