He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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