So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
