He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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