I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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